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TheJennieBean
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Name: Jennie
Birthday: 5/4/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: Spending as much time as possible with my Lukey, hangin' with Cat, singing, playing piano, watching movies, DDR (hey, a girl's gotta exercise!), H.I.M., My Chemical Romance, Keane, The Killers, Kill Hannah, Greenday, Poets Of The Fall, The All American Rejects, sitting in the sun, reading...
Expertise: working 65 million hours a week on very little sleep...riiiiiiiiiight...
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  thejenniebean
Member Since:
4/5/2005
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| kinda emo. kinda not. i kinda hate this time of year. at a time when most people are looking ahead to the new year filled with fresh starts and new possibilities...i tend to find myself spending a lot of time looking back. back at relationships that ended...hearts that were broken...mistakes that were made...people i hurt...people i miss...i think about how different things were this time last year...i was happy...loved...desired...free...and so much of it seems lost. i long for the way it used to be. i remember when things seemed easier and when it felt like i had so many answers...i remember last year when i had so many expectations for 2006...and now i see how many failed miserably. i kinda hate this time of year. but then i kinda love this time of year. amidst the sadness that my year end nostalgia brings me i force myself to look at all of the blessings the year brought me...many of which came wrapped in heartache or disguised as pain. i remember all of the times i should have fallen apart and my friends and family were there to help me put the pieces back together...i think of the amazing new friends that i can no longer imagine my life without (ashley, eric, jen...i love you guys SO much.) this time of year makes me think about how i've grown through my hurt and become stronger through my trials...how even though things don't look like i thought they would, my happiness, although of a different kind, is still there...and i think by the end of all my thinking i'm just like everybody else...looking ahead with hope to a new beginning...a year where i just may get all my heart desires...and if not...then i will most definitely learn more about who i am...and who i'm becoming. i tend to extinguish those flames of hope because i'm afraid of the pain of rejection or failure...i'm afraid that it hurts less to expect nothing and get it, than to expect everything and and not. but i suppose at the heart of who i am is still a dreamer...and so i will continue to dream of all the possibilities 2007 could have in store for me...the chance to be loved like i used to be loved...the chance to finish what i started over seven years ago when i graduated from high school...the chance to do things i have never done before and the freedom to be whoever i want to be. cheesy? maybe. but at least i can still dream. see? kinda emo. kinda not. | | |
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wow, i haven't updated this in forever! life has kept me so busy and i guess i got tired of posting retarded entries about nothing important. but, things are changing my friends!
so a lot has happened in the last month...i spent an amazing amount of time with luke in alabama, kentucky, and florida. we had an awesome time and i'm so grateful we were able to have the time together before he ships off to basic training (just two more weeks!) i also got to see some old friends get married...how honored i was to be there and to still be considered a friend after all these years apart. it was an emotional and very special weekend for me. and amidst the awesome times with new and old friends, a feeling had begun to develop within me that has continued to grow ever since. a feeling that my place is somewhere else. i think that this time and distance away from some difficult situations that i left behind in kentucky were necessary...and i have been blessed with many things as a result of my time in alabama. but the big news is i'm going back home...and right now home to me is asbury. starting in the fall i will begin classes in wilmore and in just three semesters i will be a college graduate! its been a long long road and it is amazing to be able to finally see the end in sight. and to know that i am going to be able finish where i really started it all, at asbury, is a-mazing to me. everything is set, now i just need to find someone to take over my lease here in auburn. and if all goes according to plan i should be living in lexington at the end of this month! right now i'm just praying that god will bring the right person at the right time to take over my apartment so that i can move onto the next (and hopefully last!) phase of my college education. i'm so grateful to luke, to my parents, and to those few faithful friends who have supported me through these times of transition and change. i couldn't have done it without them.
It's the choice of a lifetime & I'm almost sure
I will not live my life in between anymore
If I can't be certain of all that's in store
This far it feels so right
I will hold it up & hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light
The search for my future has brought me here
This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
That the choice I was made for will someday appear
And I'll be too late for that flight
So hold it up & hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light
I said God, will you bless this decision?
I'm scared. Is my life at stake?
But I know if you gave me a vision
Would I never have reason to use my faith?
Now as soon as I'm moving & my choice is good
This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
Somehow all of the signs are in sight
If I hold up the light
It's too late & to be stopped at the crossroads
Each life here & each a possible way
But wait & and they all will be lost roads
Each path's growing shorter the longer I stay
I was dead with deciding & afraid to choose
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
And trust that the timing is right
I will hold it up hold it up to the light
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light.
-smalltown poets | | |
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hey folks...recently got an email from an old friend of mine that told me about this website. a good friend of hers is a chaplain's assistant in the army and is currently stationed in iraq. he uses this blog to journal about things over there...its really interesting to see the war from his perspective. she asked me to post the link to help spread the word. check it out if you have a chance and support our troops! god bless ya'll
http://eat.blackhawkangel.blogspot.com | | |
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is today going to be a fantastic day? methinks the answer is YES! ahhhhhh, i've been waiting for this day.
p.s. timmy you suck  | | |
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haha! auburn rocks...i'm sitting here in class at auburn university waiting for my first day of school to begin...yay for wireless internet. i am happy. and my paranoia of being late on my first day was in vain...although i have yet to receive confirmation that i am actually sitting in the correct classroom...we shall soon find out. three hours of school today...probability and statistics, combinatorial designs (what in the crap?), and finally linear differential equations...tomorrow is calc 3 and "orientation to teacher education"...lame...i have been an education student for 65 million years...oh well, should be a breeze. that's it for now until noon when i'm all done! | | |
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